I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
