My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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