Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
