My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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