I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
