next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
