I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
