I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
