just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
