Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
