Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
