The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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