im drinking this country out of the recession.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
