the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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