My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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