I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
