For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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