if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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