im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
