the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
