can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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