i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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