I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
