I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
