So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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