Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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