I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
