He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
