Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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