butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
