what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
