She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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