so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
