Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Boobs are out for the taking
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
