she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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