I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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