I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my shit smells like andre
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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