I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
