dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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