tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
