I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
