this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
