Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
