today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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