I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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