The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
