I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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