It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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