I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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