I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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