I seem to have left my pride at pride
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
