can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
