I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
