somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
