dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You left your phone here
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