Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
